


You Don't Make It Easy Babe

by Itmakesyoulooklikealoser



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam gets flirted with A LOT, Alcohol, Anxiety, Drugs, M/M, Panic Attack, bartender Ronan, mentions of non-consent and attempt to drug/spike drinks, pynch - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 15:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12279330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itmakesyoulooklikealoser/pseuds/Itmakesyoulooklikealoser
Summary: Adam hated going to the club. It was always too hot, too loud, too crowded. Yet somehow, he found himself at the club weekend after weekend.Ronan had no idea how he had gotten talked into running the bar every weekend at his best friend Gansey’s club. He just couldn’t say no to Gansey and it was an inconvenience sometimes.orRonan is a bartender and notices that a certain regular gets a lot of unwanted attention.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! I started writing this back during pynch week and it kinda got a mind of its own and fell out of the original prompt I was going for so I put a hold on it. But I liked the concept so here it is. I have the majority of it written so updates should come quickly. I will update tags and the like as we go along and things progress. 
> 
> This is unedited, sorry for any mistakes or the like.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr @itmakesyoulooklikealoser

Adam hated going to the club. It was always too hot, too loud, too crowded. Yet somehow, he found himself at the club weekend after weekend. His best friend Blue was the lead singer in a band, that just so happened to be booked every Saturday night for the foreseeable future to play at the club. When Blue had found out that the band had booked a steady gig she was thrilled. She had asked Adam to come to every show because “I don’t get as nervous knowing you are in the crowd”. Of course Adam had to agree, he didn’t want to disappoint Blue.

Five weeks later, Adam was regretting being such a good friend. He was sitting at the bar drinking a glass of ginger ale trying his best to avoid the mass of people roaming about drunkenly. It wasn’t that Adam didn’t like other people, he just didn’t enjoy being around so many drunk people. It always brought back a lot of bad memories that he would rather not think about.

Just as he finished his drink someone slipped onto the stool next to him. 

“Hey there handsome. Wanna dance?” The stranger half shouted over the music.

Adam had begun to get accustomed to this. The first week when someone had come up to him and flirted he was too oblivious to fully register what was happening. The guy had sat next to Adam at the bar and started a seemingly harmless conversation with him. Adam didn’t think the guy seemed that bad, so he indulged the man for a little bit. Adam didn’t notice the man slowly moving closer and closer to him until it was too late. Adam was right in the middle of talking about travelers rights when the man leaned in to try and kiss Adam. 

Immediately, Adam bolted from his seat, knocking the bar stool to the floor. He reached to catch himself on the bar swiping his and the man’s full drinks to the floor, the glasses shattering impressively. He finally found his footing and scrambled to pick up the shards of broken glass. 

“Shit!” Adam swore loudly, “I am so sorry! I just wasn’t expecting…” he trailed off, looking up from his crouched position. Adam looked around confused. The man was no longer anywhere to be found. Adam sighed and finished picking up the remains of the glasses. He should have realized the guy was trying to pick him up. Why else would he have willing sat through a conversation about travelers rights?

Since that night Adam shot down any attempts at conversing fairly quickly. The second he started to feel even the slightest bit like they weren’t interested in a real conversation he politely excused himself. He tried to exude vibes that shouted “Leave me alone!” and “Not here to pick up or be picked up!” but usually the people who approached him were too drunk to notice. Adam had become a pro at turning down advances in a matter of hours. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ronan had no idea how he had gotten talked into running the bar every weekend at his best friend Gansey’s club. He just couldn’t say no to Gansey and it was an inconvenience sometimes. Gansey had come to him after purchasing the new club asking for Ronan’s help with the alcohol side of the business. Ronan’s response was just because I drink the alcohol doesn’t mean I actually know anything about it. 

That was how he ended up enrolled in a bartenders course that Gansey signed him up for. At first Ronan went begrudgingly to class, did his best to ignore the instructor and caused general disruption, but after the first few days he had found himself genuinely interested. He had learned what alcohol went best together, what mixers were good, he even learned how to make the drinks look more attractive. He had excitedly shown Gansey some of the stuff he learned at the class. So, okay, maybe he did now how he had gotten talked into running the bar. But that was beside the point.

What he hadn’t realized when he agreed to run the bar was that he would have to feign interest in people’s personal lives and be generally pleasant to them. At first it hadn't been too bad. He wasn’t the most inviting looking person in terms of striking up a conversation. He had buzzed hair, a stark black tattoo that ran up his neck from under his collar, sharp features and a scowl that never left his face. Most of the clubbers ordered their drinks and waited in awkward silence until Ronan delivered them. But the later into the night they got, the drunker people became and their tongues loosened. They no longer cared that Ronan’s body language was screaming I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS, they told him anyways. 

The past few weeks hadn’t been too bad though and it had nothing to do with the new cute regular who sat at the bar all night every Saturday. Ronan had noticed him the second he walked up to the bar the first night. The boy was gorgeous, all fine bones and tanned, freckled skin. He had looked like he didn’t want to be there, like he didn’t belong. He wasn’t wearing the flashy club clothes that everyone else was wearing and he seemed to have come alone. Ronan was immediately intrigued. 

He had walked over to the man to get his drink order and, to further prove Ronan’s thoughts that he didn’t belong there, he ordered a ginger ale, no alcohol. Ronan usually waited for his patrons to ask before he got them another drink, but he kept an eye on the man’s, Adam, he had learned after the second week, and never let his drink empty. The never talked much. Usually just the awkward pleasantries that came with seeing someone on a regular basis, but not really becoming friends. Ronan was fine with that. He didn’t need any distractions in his life right now anyways. 

But then he started to notice that there seemed to be an inordinate amount of people who came to flirt with Adam. At first, it set Ronan on edge. He carefully watched every interaction in case he needed to step in, but it wasn’t long before Ronan realized that Adam could hold his own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam sighed heavily as he saw a familiar face approaching him from across the room. He turned around to face the shelves of liquor behind the bar hoping that the man hadn’t already spotted him. Adam wasn’t that lucky. The man slid onto the stool next to Adam, sitting just slightly too close.
> 
> The same fucking guy kept attempting to pick up Adam every single weekend. The first night the guy approached Adam, Ronan had thought that he would be successful. Adam seemed to be enjoying his company and was allowing the guy to move closer into his personal space. But then when the guy went in for the kiss, Adam freaked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who gave feedback and kudos on the first chapter! I was overwhelmed by all the nice things everyone had to say. I was on the fence about posting this story, and I’m glad you guys are enjoying it.
> 
> Here is chapter 2. I hope it continues to live up to your expectations. Every chapter will be formatted like this one and the first with Adam’s POV and then Ronan’s. 
> 
> Please leave comments here or on Tumblr (@itmakesyoulooklikealoser) letting me know your thoughts! 
> 
> Thanks again everyone!

Adam sighed heavily as he saw a familiar face approaching him from across the room. He turned around to face the shelves of liquor behind the bar hoping that the man hadn’t already spotted him. Adam wasn’t that lucky. The man slid onto the stool next to Adam, sitting just slightly too close.

“Hello, Tad.” Adam greeted him duly. 

“Adam! How are you? I’m so glad to see you here tonight!” Tad responded happily.

“I’m here every Saturday.” Adam answered shortly.

Tad, not catching on to Adam’s disinterest, continued on without missing a beat, leaning in even closer to Adam, “Well, yeah! But you might have gotten sick or in an accident. You never know what could happen! Hey, do you want to dance?”

After the first nightmare flirting attempt where Tad had tried to kiss Adam and disappeared, Tad had shown up every Saturday night like clockwork to flirt with Adam more. And every Saturday Adam turned Tad down. It was starting to get a little old. Adam didn’t understand how someone could be turned down so many times and still think they had a shot. He could tell Tad wasn’t used to being told no by anyone.

Adam took a deep breath and counted to five silently in his head before answering, “Tad, we’ve been over this countless times now. I’m not going to dance with you. Ever. I’m not interested in finding a quiet place to talk. I’m not interested in you buying me a drink. And I’m definitely not interested in hooking up with you. I want to sit here, quietly, by myself and wait for Blue to finish her set while I drink my ginger ale. Then I want to go home, alone, and catch a few hours of sleep before I have to work in the morning.”

Every week it was the same speech and every weekend Tad came back with another way to ask Adam out. He had tried to be nice the first few weeks by making up some excuse or another of why he didn’t want to or couldn’t do whatever it was Tad had asked him to do. Now he tried to be as blunt as possible and answer any potential further questions before they had a chance to be asked. 

Tad looked slightly wounded when Adam looked back at him. He stood up from the stool, rubbed the back of his neck and shuffled his feet. 

“Okay, then. Well, I guess I will see you next week then. Have a good rest of your night.” 

And with that Tad was gone. Adam slumped onto the barstool. He looked up in time to see Ronan, the bartender, briefly make eye contact before looking away. Adam noticed that anytime someone approached him and started to flirt, he always caught Ronan looking away once Adam had successfully gotten rid of the flirter. 

He tried not to think anything of it, it was probably just his job to make sure that the drunks didn’t get too rowdy and harass people too much. But it wasn’t only after someone harassed him that he caught Ronan staring at him. He had caught Ronan looking at him when he was just sitting and drinking. Sometimes he brought a book with him to the club and tried to read while he waited and he could feel Ronan’s eyes, heavy on him. Maybe he was just imagining all of it, maybe he was just projecting. Someone like Ronan would never be interested in someone like him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The same fucking guy kept attempting to pick up Adam every single weekend. The first night the guy approached Adam, Ronan had thought that he would be successful. Adam seemed to be enjoying his company and was allowing the guy to move closer into his personal space. But then when the guy went in for the kiss, Adam freaked. Ronan had to walk into the back room to keep himself from laughing at the scene. Adam had jumped from his seat and knocked his glass to the ground shattering it, while the guy walked away wounded by Adam’s rejection. But he guessed that wasn’t enough of a hint for the guy because every week he found Adam and tried again.

He watched as Adam tried to let the guy down easy at first and then evolved into Adam being downright savage to the guy. Still, the guy returned the next Saturday. Ronan had considered stepping in several times just to put the guy out of his misery. The kid was clearly smitten with Adam and Ronan couldn’t blame him. They didn’t talk much, but he enjoyed Adam’s company when they did. He was smart and clever, humble but proud. He didn’t take anyone’s shit and he held his own. Not to mention he was extremely pleasant to look at. Ronan had caught his eyes wondering over to Adam on more than one occasion, and on more than one occasion Adam had caught him staring. Shit, he really needed to get that under control. Just as he had the thought he caught sight of Tad returning back the bar where Adam was seated. 

He watched as Tad and Adam had what seemed to be a pretty heated discussion. Ronan could tell Adam was trying to keep his cool. Adam’s hand tightened around his glass as Tad was encroaching into his space. Just as Ronan was about to step in Tad stormed off in a fury. Adam turned to Ronan and caught him watching. Ronan walked to the end of the bar and started to wipe the counter in front of Adam. 

“Lover’s quarrel?” Ronan joked.

“Yeah, sure,” Adam scoffed, “I just really wish he would take the hint.”

Ronan took a minute and considered his next question very carefully. Was it worth asking? If he got the answer he was hoping for did it really even matter? And if he didn’t get the answer he wanted, well Ronan tried not to think about that. 

Finally, Ronan just blurted out “Why don’t you just tell him you aren’t into guys?”

Adam looked away from Ronan, a blush forming on his cheeks, “Because I don’t want to lie to him. I’m bisexual. I’m not going to lie about my sexuality just to get someone to stop bothering me.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam could not believe he just came out to Ronan.
> 
> Ronan clenched his fist to his side and closed his eyes taking deep breaths, in through the nose and out through clenched teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love on the last chapter! Here is chapter 3! All of these chapters are unedited so sorry for any mistakes!
> 
> If you haven’t caught on, chapter summaries are just the first sentence or so from each POV. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr @itmakesyoulooklikealoser.

Adam could not believe he just came out to Ronan. He hadn't even told Blue yet that he was bisexual, but he was pretty sure she knew and was just waiting for him to tell her. It's not that he was trying to hide it. He hadn't lied to Ronan when he said he didn't want to lie about his sexuality. It's just that it didn't come up often. Adam was always working or studying. He didn't have a lot of free time, and apparently what little free time he did have he spent sitting at a bar drinking non-alcoholic drinks fighting off horny drunks. 

Adam looked back to Ronan to see his response and could tell Ronan was trying to fight back some sort of emotion, he just couldn’t tell what it was. When Ronan saw him looking back at him he quickly reigned his expression back in. 

“That’s great man. Most people would lie to keep him from bothering them. I like your honesty.” 

Ronan stuffed his towel in his back pocket and glanced down the bar to where a pretty woman had been trying to get his attention the past few minutes. 

“Let me know if you need anything Adam. I gotta get back to work. Have a good rest of your night.” 

Adam watched as Ronan made his way to the woman, silently cursing her for disrupting them. He knew Ronan was at work and didn’t owe him any of his time, but Adam wanted to know what emotion Ronan was holding back earlier. He wanted to know if he was happy or disgusted that Adam found men and women attractive. He didn't know why Ronan’s opinion mattered so much to him. It could be just because he was the first person that Adam had flat out admitted his bisexuality to. He didn’t even know if Ronan was interested in guys or not. He had a feeling he was, with all the times he caught Ronan staring at him and the little bits of extra attention he gave Adam but not other patrons. He could be way off base though. Adam could just be seeing what he wanted to see. 

Right as Adam had started spiraling into his thoughts, he saw Ronan look towards him and roll his eyes. The woman at the end of the bar was clearly drunk. She seemed to be trying to flirt with Ronan, probably to get free alcohol, based on the way her breasts were pushed out and the way she kept trying to stroke Ronan’s arm. Ronan pulled his body out of her reach and walked to the soda gun. He filled a glass with what looked to be water and handed it to the lady and said something to her. Adam watched as the woman looked down at the glass and back at Ronan with a disbelieving look. She looked like she was about to turn to walk away when she lifted the glass and threw the contents into Ronan’s face. The woman slammed the glass on the counter and stormed off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ronan clenched his fist to his side and closed his eyes taking deep breaths, in through the nose and out through clenched teeth. Any other night he would jumped right into a fight, but several things stopped him tonight. First, being that he did not want to go to jail for assault. Second, he did not want to have to call Gansey to bail him out of jail and then get a weeklong lecture on why his life decisions were terrible. And third, he did not want Adam to see him loose his temper. Also, he was not about to fight a girl. His mom did raise him better than that.

Adam had never said anything to indicate that he had a problem with violence, but Ronan noticed how he flinched when someone came up and touched him when he wasn’t expecting it. Or when he turned someone down and they raised their voice at him. He noticed how Adam always shied away from the small brawls that sometimes happened between two drunks, instead of getting closer like the majority. 

So Ronan grabbed a clean towel, wiped his face dry, and plastered a smile that probably looked more than a little pained on his face and walked into the back room to call Gansey. Ronan tried his best not to use his phone if at all possible, but he knew he wouldn't be able to work the rest of the night and hold his shit together. If anyone else so much as looked at him wrong he would blow. He dialed Gansey’s number and told him he needed to get someone else to run the bar because he was leaving. Gansey tried to convince Ronan to stay, but Ronan hung up on him before he even had a chance to finish the first plea. 

Ronan needed to blow off some steam, and there was one thing Ronan knew would help. He threw on his jacket and fished his BMW keys from the pocket. He didn’t wait for whoever Gansey was sending to replace him before he was our from behind the bar and headed towards the exit. 

As Ronan got to his BMW he realized that he wasn’t alone. He hadn’t noticed between the noise of the club and the anger he was focusing on, but Adam had followed him outside. 

“Ronan, wait!”

Ronan opened the drivers side door and threw himself into the drivers seat. He slammed the keys into the ignition and started the car. Adam stood behind the car looking defeated. Ronan rolled down his window, allowing the loud electronica music filter out the window.

“Get in or fucking move,” Ronan shouted over the music.

A few seconds later, to Ronan’s surprise, the passenger side door open and Adam tentatively slid into the seat, barely fastening his seatbelt before Ronan slammed the car into reverse and shot out of the parking lot.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam doesn’t know what possessed him to follow Ronan out of the club, and he doesn’t know what further possessed him to actually get into the car with Ronan. But here he was, in the passenger seat of Ronan’s fancy BMW, sitting awkwardly listening to terrible music debating on whether it was a good idea to try and talk to Ronan, if only to ask where they were going.
> 
> The next week when Ronan saw Adam at the bar he could feel that something had shifted in their relationship. Adam made more of an effort to get and hold his attention and Ronan let him. He spent the majority of his shift positioning himself close enough to Adam to be able to maintain a conversation. Adam looked the most comfortable Ronan had seen him since he started frequenting the club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter 4 is here...and it gets a little rough. There is mention of attempt to drug and spike drinks without consent, so if that is a trigger for you please skip Ronan’s POV and if you need me to recap what happens message me. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr @itmakesyoulooklikealoser

Adam doesn’t know what possessed him to follow Ronan out of the club, and he doesn’t know what further possessed him to actually get into the car with Ronan. But here he was, in the passenger seat of Ronan’s fancy BMW, sitting awkwardly listening to terrible music debating on whether it was a good idea to try and talk to Ronan, if only to ask where they were going.

He glanced over at Ronan and saw that he was clutching the wheel, white knuckled. Adam opened his mouth to ask where they were going when Ronan turned the music down and spoke up.

“Why did you follow me out and get in my car?” Ronan asked without taking his eyes off the road.

Adam didn’t really have an answer to the question, but he could tell Ronan wasn’t going to drop it.

“Honestly, I’m not sure,” he said quietly, wringing his hands in his lap, “I didn’t realize I was doing it until I was already up and following you. And then it just seemed silly to follow you out just to go back in.”

Adam saw Ronan look at him out of the corner of his eye, but Ronan didn’t say anything for a few more minutes.

“Where are we going anyways?” Adam spoke up after he couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“No where. Anywhere. I didn’t have a place in mind when I got in the car. When I’m stressed or upset driving helps.” 

Adam shifted nervously in his seat and cleared his throat.

“Um, okay. I’m assuming what happened with the woman at the bar was the catalyst then?”

Ronan’s jaw tightened as he drove. Adam wasn’t sure he was going to get an answer, but stayed quiet a few moments longer. He was starting to realize that sometimes Ronan just needed time to arrange his thoughts before he spoke.

Sure enough, a few beats later Ronan responded.

“That woman was a bitch.”

Adam waited for further explanation and when it was clear he wasn’t going to get any he prompted Ronan again.

“So, did she turn you down? I mean, she looked pretty interested at first.” Adam knew this wasn’t what happened. It was very clear that Ronan wasn’t interested in the woman. But Adam was seizing the opportunity to possibly find out where Ronan’s interests laid.

Ronan let out a harsh laugh, “Like anyone could turn this down.” Ronan gestured down his whole body with one of his hands. 

Adam couldn’t argue with him. He didn't see how anyone could turn him down. But Ronan was avoiding answering the question, so Adam shot him a withering look.

Ronan sighed heavily, “I told her she needed to cover herself up and take a break from the alcohol. So I gave her a water and she apparently didn't appreciate it.”

Adam raised an unbelieving eyebrow at Ronan. That didn’t seem like enough of a reason to throw a glass of water in his face. Ronan must have noticed his look because he added on shyly, “I may have also told her that next time she was going to throw herself at someone for a free drink she should probably make sure they were interested in women.” 

Adam turned to look out the window so Ronan didn’t see the huge grin spreading across his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week when Ronan saw Adam at the bar he could feel that something had shifted in their relationship. Adam made more of an effort to get and hold his attention and Ronan let him. He spent the majority of his shift positioning himself close enough to Adam to be able to maintain a conversation. Adam looked the most comfortable Ronan had seen him since he started frequenting the club.

Ronan had moved down the bar to refill someone’s drink when he spotted Tad approaching Adam. He saw Adam’s cheery demeanor slip for a half a second when he noticed Tad before he pasted it back on his face. Ronan finished refilling the drink and walked closer to where Adam and Tad were so he could hear the conversation, but far enough away that it wasn’t obvious he was eavesdropping.

Ronan watched as Adam turned his body to face Tad better. Tad seemed to appreciate this and take it as an invitation to lean in closer to Adam. Adam shifted uncomfortably and leaned away from Tad.

“Tad,” Adam greeted him, “How can I help you?”

“Actually Adam, I just came to apologize for what happened last week. I realized I must have come off as insensitive and I just felt terrible. I wanted to buy you a drink to say I’m sorry,” Adam must have made a face at that because Tad immediately continued on before Adam could interrupt. 

“I’m not asking you to drink with me. I just want to buy you a drink and leave you alone to enjoy it. Will you let me do that?” Tad put on his best pouty, sincere face. Ronan could tell by Adam’s body language that he was going to give in and let Tad buy him the drink. 

Ronan started walking the opposite way, pretending he was being called by another customer in hopes that Tad would see he was busy and give up on buying Adam a drink. Ronan had no such luck. Tad jogged down to where Ronan was and was trying to get Ronan’s attention with earnest. Eventually Ronan couldn’t pretend he didn’t see him. He walked over to Tad and asked a roughly as possible what he could do for him.

“Yes, you see, my friend down there doesn’t drink,” Tad indicated to Adam, “but I really need him to loosen up tonight. So how about you make him a drink where he won’t be able to tell there is alcohol in it when I give it to him. Then you can just keep giving him those the rest of the night. Put them on my tab.”   
Tad glanced around suspiciously before leaning in closer to Ronan and lowering his voice. He slid a small pill across the bar towards Ronan. “Maybe you could slip this into his drink, too.” And he winked at Ronan.

Ronan could not believe what he was hearing. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Ronan growled at Tad.

“Oh, come on man. You know how it is. He’s just playing hard to get. I just need him to stop thinking so much and just let go. And you can help me with that.” Tad winked at Ronan.

Ronan was seething. Tad was trying to get Adam drunk and drugged so he could take advantage of him. No fucking way was that happening.

Ronan leaned in close to Tad and gestured for him to come closer. He grabbed Tad by his collar and brought his face as close to his as possible.

“Look, I’m only going to say this once. I will fucking kill you if I see you go near him again. I’m pretty fucking sure he has already told you he isn’t interested in your skinny ass. Now you need to turn around and walk away before this becomes violent.”

Ronan shoved Tad away from him. Tad staggered and flattened out his collar.

“What do you even know man. You’re just a bartender.”

“No, I’m his fucking boyfriend,” the words flew out of Ronan’s mouth before he knew what he was saying, “and if I see you again I promise I won’t be this nice next time.”

A shocked expression passed over Tad’s face as he glanced down at Adam and back to Ronan. He glared at Ronan and walked back over to Adam. Ronan was hot on his heels. As he approached Adam he heard the tail end of Tad’s speech.

“And if I had known you had a boyfriend I would have stopped hitting on you a while ago. I’m sorry. I won’t be bothering you again.” Tad finished and disappeared into the crowd without so much as a glance back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam had no clue what the fuck Tad was going on about. He kept saying something about how Adam should have told him he already had a boyfriend. Adam definitely didn’t have a boyfriend.
> 
> Ronan knew a panic attack when he saw one. He had seen Gansey have enough of them to recognize them early on. Hell, he had had enough of them himself. And Adam was definitely spiraling into a panic attack in front of him and he felt a sense of helplessness overcome him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter deals heavily with panic attacks and anxiety, so if that is a trigger for you please feel free to skip this chapter. If you need a summary you can message me and I will give you an overview of what happened.
> 
> Thanks for all the love! It means so much! Every single comment and kudo have me smiling like a crazy person. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr @itmakesyoulooklikealoser
> 
> Again, this is unedited.

Adam had no clue what the fuck Tad was going on about. He kept saying something about how Adam should have told him he already had a boyfriend. Adam definitely didn’t have a boyfriend. Was Tad already that drunk? What the fuck had happened between the time Tad left to get his drink and his return? Adam watched in confusion as Tad walked away. Adam distantly realized that Tad had not brought him a drink like promised. 

Adam turned and startled when he saw Ronan standing right in front of him looking murderous. Adam raised a questioning eyebrow at Ronan as it dawned on him what Tad had been going on and on about.

“Did you tell Tad that we were dating?” Adam asked with a slight smirk on his lips.

Ronan stiffened slightly and his eyes flashed hatred at the mention of Tad.

“I will fucking murder him if I see him near you again.” Ronan growled out.

Adam was slightly jarred by Ronan’s seemingly sudden violence.

“That seems a little harsh, Ronan. He’s harmless. Like a gnat that won’t go away.”

“No, Adam. He is not fucking harmless. That asshole asked me to slip alcohol into your fucking drink without you knowing so he could get you drunk and fucking take advantage of you. Then he asked me to slip a fucking date-rape drug in as well. I was not going to let that fucking happen.” Ronan spat out, disgust spilling across his features. 

There was no longer any trace of humor on Adam’s face, he could feel the anger rising within himself. He felt Ronan’s hand on his, trying to loosen his grip from the counter. He hadn’t realized he had started gripping the edge of the bar. He looked down at his hands and could see his knuckles white from the strain. He loosened his grip at Ronan’s coaxing.

“Hey, I took care of it. He’s not going to fucking bother you ever again.” 

Adam had started shaking, he couldn't control his body. His mind was racing. He knew Tad wouldn’t give up easily, but he had not expected him to try and stoop so low. He had seemed so harmless.

“Adam, you have to breathe, man.”

Ronan’s voice broke through his thoughts, sounding muffled and far away. He hadn’t realized he wasn’t breathing. He forced himself to take a deep, trembling breath.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ronan knew a panic attack when he saw one. He had seen Gansey have enough of them to recognize them early on. Hell, he had had enough of them himself. And Adam was definitely spiraling into a panic attack in front of him and he felt a sense of helplessness overcome him.

He knew when he had a panic attack he wanted to be left alone, not to be touched, not to be spoken to. He also knew that Gansey preferred to be coaxed out of his with irrelevant conversation and a cold drink pressed into his hands. He knew that everyone handled coming out of a panic attack differently. He didn’t know how Adam battled his, and he didn’t want to do something to push him further into the attack.

Adam was starting to curl in on himself. His hands were behind his head. He had pulled his feet up onto the stool and was resting his forehead on his knees. Ronan could see Adam’s chest heaving raggedly, his limbs shaking uncontrollably. 

He took a moment to gather everything he knew about Adam, calming himself in the process. Adam probably would respond poorly to be touched based on previous observations. His drink sat a few inches away on the bar, somehow Ronan didn’t think it would help. Instead of guessing he finally just asked, “What do you need me to do Adam? Is there someone I can call or get to help?”

He wasn’t sure he would get an answer. Surely Adam was well passed thinking logically enough to answer him. 

He heard Adam mumble something from between his knees. Ronan leaned closer, careful not to brush up against Adam. Adam must have felt him shift closer, and understood that he hadn’t heard him because he repeated himself slightly louder.

“Stay. I just need you to stay with me.” 

Ronan knew he had other patrons, knew he had a job to do. But none of that mattered at the moment. The only thing that mattered was staying with Adam until he didn’t need him anymore. 

“I’m here Adam,” Ronan spoke uncharacteristically soft, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Ronan looked around and considered his surroundings. It was loud and crowded, and probably not helping Adam’s attack. He glanced to the back room behind the bar.

“Hey Adam, if you are okay to move, I think it might be best if we move to somewhere less crowded and loud. You can come back to the stockroom with me if you think it’d help.”

Adam slowly brought his head up to look at Ronan. His face was pale and tear streaked. Ronan stomach clenched and a new wave of anger towards Tad rolled through him. He pushed down his anger, now wasn’t the time. Adam slowly nodded and started to uncurl from the stool.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam slipped off the stool onto shaky legs. He tried to get himself under control so he could walk, but it wasn’t going so well. Adam really hated being out of control. He took a tentative step. Okay. He could do this. He only had to make it to the back room.
> 
> Ronan knew he shouldn’t have left Adam alone, but it was all too much. The way Adam was touching him had been making him think inappropriate thoughts for the moment. He panicked and had to get away from Adam to clear his head for a minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's pretend that this isn't 15 months late or anything....
> 
> I'm finishing this for myself so it isn't in the back of my mind anymore. If you're still reading after so long thanks for waiting so long. I don't really have any excuses on why it took so long. Ronan's POV was giving me a hard time and I just kinda stopped. 
> 
> BUT I am going to finish this over the next month or so. There will only be 1-2 more chapters. I had planned on finishing it in this chapter but couldn't quite get it there. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy! This is, as always, unedited. Sorry for any mistakes.

Adam slipped off the stool onto shaky legs. He tried to get himself under control so he could walk, but it wasn’t going so well. Adam really hated being out of control. He took a tentative step. Okay. He could do this. He only had to make it to the back room. He could feel Ronan watching him carefully. He hated that this was happening in front of him. Now Ronan would think he was weak, like he couldn’t handle himself.

Ronan stepped out from behind the bar and hovered next to Adam. He was keeping his distance, like he didn’t want to touch Adam. Of course he doesn’t want to touch you, you look like a crazy person, Adam’s brain supplied unhelpfully. He tried to shut down those thoughts, they would only make him spiral worse.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” Ronan asked in an uncharacteristically soft tone.

Adam’s gaze snapped to Ronan. He must have waited a beat too long to answer, because Ronan clarified. “To help you into the back room?”

Adam nodded his head and shuffled closer to Ronan. Ronan wrapped one arm around Adam’s waist to support him. The weight and warmth of Ronan against him was instantly calming. He was still shaky and in the middle of his attack, but he now felt like he could overcome it with Ronan’s help. This was a strange feeling for Adam. Normally during his attacks he hated to be touched. Just thinking about someone touching him made him sink deeper into the attack. But something about Ronan was different. 

“Okay. So we just need to go behind the bar and back through those double doors.” Ronan pointed with his free hand to a set of doors on the far side of the bar. They made their way behind the bar and through the double doors. Once in the back, Ronan let go of Adam and starting shifting some boxes around. Adam immediately missed Ronan’s touch. 

After a couple of seconds Ronan had made a makeshift seat for Adam. Adam took a seat on a box of paper towels, hoping his weight wouldn’t crush them. Ronan crouched down in from of him to make direct eye contact. “I’m going to go and grab a couple of things from out front. I won’t be more than a minute or two. Do you think you will be okay for that long?” 

Adam knew he would be okay without Ronan. He had gone through worse attacks on his own, but he didn’t want to be alone this time. He wanted Ronan with him. He wanted his soft voice calming him, the warmth of his skin against his. He wanted to finally not feel unknowable. Adam reached out and grabbed Ronan’s wrist. He threaded his fingers through the loose leather wrist bands there until he felt bare skin underneath, lightly tracing circles into his skin. When he looked back up, Ronan’s eyes were closed and he was taking deep, steadying breaths. He could feel Ronan’s pulse speed up every time his fingers passed his pulse point. After a few more seconds, Ronan suddenly opened his eyes and pulled his wrist out of Adam’s grasp, standing quickly. 

“I’m going to…” He trailed off as he walked towards the double doors and back out to the bar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ronan knew he shouldn’t have left Adam alone, but it was all too much. The way Adam was touching him had been making him think inappropriate thoughts for the moment. He panicked and had to get away from Adam to clear his head for a minute. Once to the sink he grabbed a damp rag and a cold bottle of water. If Adam asked, he could always use the excuse that he wanted to make sure Adam was comfortable. Once he took a second to clear his head he walked back into the stock room.

Adam was still sitting on the box, looking defeated. He seemed to have gotten his tremors under control and his breathing seemed normal. He was looking down into his lap where he was wringing his hands. Ronan cleared his throat and Adam jumped slightly. Their eyes met and Ronan glanced away and shoved the water towards Adam.

“Here. I thought you might want this.”

Adam looked at the water bottle and tentatively took it from him. Ronan could see him relax some, tension leaving his shoulders. Adam let out a soft, relieved laugh and rubbed his free hand down his face. Ronan watched as he tried to figure out what Adam was thinking. He definitely seemed to be exiting his panic attack. He was just relieved that him leaving didn’t spur the attack further. He wasn’t one to normally feel bad for something he did, but he wasn’t feeling too great about panicking and leaving Adam alone when Adam had explicitly asked him to stay. 

Extended silences were something that Ronan was used to. He was somewhat of a pro at creating silences long enough to cause discomfort to the other party. He was not, however, used to being on the other end of the silence. He didn’t think Adam even realized how long he had been silent. Ronan had thought Adam was clear of the attack and would be ready to go back out soon but Adam eyes had taken on a glazed look and he wasn't moving.

Ronan shifted and rubbed the back of his neck while glancing at the stockroom doors. He didn’t want to rush Adam, he would stay back here all night if Adam needed him to. Fuck the customers on the other side of the door. Tonight was one of the rare nights that a barback was actually working, they could handle things well enough. Gansey had hired someone to work with Ronan on the weekends after the last time had run off without warning. Ronan found a sturdy box and sat as quietly as he could so he wouldn’t disturb Adam. He didn't think Adam would notice if he stayed or not but he wouldn't make the mistake of leaving Adam again. He didn't want Adam to be alone when he snapped out of his trance.


End file.
